Tina had longer than AJ on earth, and yet both lives seem to have been taken too soon, too unfairly. We can’t understand when someone we love passes away; we say it’s unfair and inexplicable to lose someone so happy, so full of life and so lovely. But I was told by a close friend that everyone has their time, and that is what we have to learn to accept. There is more than that we need to accept though. I don't know who or what controls our time on earth, but I know we need to accept that when it is someone’s time to leave us, that we know for a fact in our hearts that we have lived out every moment we had with that person as best we could.
I am a big Grey’s Anatomy fan, and it always has a very inspirational, attentive and thoughtful message at the end of each episode that briefly makes you consider your own life. In one episode I remember clearly, a young couple come in and the wife is in a critical condition, from a rock climbing accident on their honeymoon.
He loses her and says to the doctors that he didn’t understand; they were on their honeymoon and had their whole lives together. I know it’s a TV series, but this young couple represent all people. A young couple that, like all of us, thinks they have forever together, have all the time in the world to chase their dreams. But we don’t. None of us do.
Life is short. We seem to think that we’ll live forever. We spend time and money as though we’ll always be here. We buy shiny things and expensive material goods as though they matter. We put off the so-called “trip of a lifetime” for another year, because we all assume we have another year. We put off the catch-up coffee with the old friend because we think we will have next week when we are less busy with our lives. We don’t tell the ones we love how much we love them often enough because we assume there’s always tomorrow. And we fear. People stay in miserable jobs, or doing something they don’t actually enjoy, because they’re afraid of the risk of stepping out. We don’t reach high enough or far enough because we’re worried we’ll fail. And we never realise that it’s better to fail spectacularly while reaching for the stars than it is to succeed at something we never really wanted in the first place.
We think we’ve got forever and that these concerns that weigh us down are so pressing. We worry about the trivial to the neglect of the most precious thing we have: moments we’ll never see again. We talk of killing time, passing time, and getting through the week, forgetting we’re wishing away the moments that comprise our lives.
For a long time, probably in between almost losing my dad and becoming a teenager, I have always tried to live life to the fullest, maybe a bit too much to the extreme sometimes, but I look on the positive side – on the happy side of things. I try, but of course no one is perfect, I certainly am not, but AJ and Tina did lived on the brighter side of life too. But a life taken should not be the thing to remind us to live.
Don’t be the person that by the time you’re an adult, managed to get a large flatscreen and new cars once in a while, but the list of things you’d have done if you could really, truly could have done anything, kept growing.
Seriously, make your life list – even if it’s just in your head. And do those things. Don’t assume that you have your whole life to do them, AJ didn’t – and all the other young lives taken like hers didn’t either.
Whatever your dream is, find a way to make it happen. Your kids can come with you when and if you have them. Your essays and lectures can wait (I’m not saying fail to do your dreams, but you get my drift). People rush through life like it’s a race. We go from school to university to work. And in between we never actually live. Take a break, slow down and realise what you have. There are things much bigger than you, so being upset over the silly things and worrying about the things that have solutions that are very, very simple.
I know that there are so many reasons we can’t and some of those reasons are valid. Life is not only short; it is also sometimes profoundly hard. But I think sometimes our reasons are in fact only excuses. If that’s the case, take a look. I talk a lot about living the dream, and I know I am an idealist of note which can probably become annoying to some. But I’m not saying wish-upon-a-star and be positive.
I’m saying realise, realise it NOW that life is short and no one is going to live your life for you.
Be that person that when your candle does go out, (and it will seem too soon to all those who knew and loved you) that it was burning hot and bright – and you set others alight too, not only yours.
Live your life now. And live it with all your strength and passion now. Don’t keep it in reserve against a day you might not have. While the ember is still lit, fan it to flame. Be bold about it, even if your conditions mean all you have is to love boldly and laugh boldy. This doesn’t mean act scared everyday like its going to be your last, but if it does happen to be, make sure you lived it like you wanted to. AJ went to the beach; Tina’s last healthy day was spent with her family. They were happy.
So embrace your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend and family, embrace them with all the love in your bones and blood, and tell them all the time how much you care. Tell your friends how much you appreciate their friendship. Laugh, make good conversation, be silly, and if you want to waste some time on a lazy day, make sure you are happy while wasting it. But also do useful things, don’t lounge around too much. Be loyal, compassionate and caring to the people in your life, they came into your life for a reason – figure that reason out and embrace it. Let go of the things you can’t change, and if you can change them – do it! Tell your siblings you love them. Wear bright colours, or beige if that makes you happy too. Embarrass yourself, get drunk and dance. Get a degree, go out into the world and don’t just see it, but experience it. Or don’t, if you have another dream – do that.
Just make every day your best, and if it happens to be a bad day, wake up the next feeling grateful you were lucky enough to get given another day to make up for yesterday.
