Not just any old "live your life" post

 My last post before this was linked to a death. Since Tina’s passing, a beautifully happy Drama classmate was killed in a car accident. She was my age, maybe even younger, and was going on a spontaneous trip to Port Alfred. I didn’t know AJ as well as I could have, so I can’t dedicate this post to her personally, but her loss has prompted a lot of us to think about life from a different perspective.

Tina had longer than AJ on earth, and yet both lives seem to have been taken too soon, too unfairly. We can’t understand when someone we love passes away; we say it’s unfair and inexplicable to lose someone so happy, so full of life and so lovely. But I was told by a close friend that everyone has their time, and that is what we have to learn to accept. There is more than that we need to accept though. I don't know who or what controls our time on earth, but I know we need to accept that when it is someone’s time to leave us, that we know for a fact in our hearts that we have lived out every moment we had with that person as best we could.

I am a big Grey’s Anatomy fan, and it always has a very inspirational, attentive and thoughtful message at the end of each episode that briefly makes you consider your own life. In one episode I remember clearly, a young couple come in and the wife is in a critical condition, from a rock climbing accident on their honeymoon.

He loses her and says to the doctors that he didn’t understand; they were on their honeymoon and had their whole lives together. I know it’s a TV series, but this young couple represent all people. A young couple that, like all of us, thinks they have forever together, have all the time in the world to chase their dreams. But we don’t. None of us do.

Life is short. We seem to think that we’ll live forever. We spend time and money as though we’ll always be here. We buy shiny things and expensive material goods as though they matter. We put off the so-called “trip of a lifetime” for another year, because we all assume we have another year. We put off the catch-up coffee with the old friend because we think we will have next week when we are less busy with our lives. We don’t tell the ones we love how much we love them often enough because we assume there’s always tomorrow. And we fear. People stay in miserable jobs, or doing something they don’t actually enjoy, because they’re afraid of the risk of stepping out. We don’t reach high enough or far enough because we’re worried we’ll fail. And we never realise that it’s better to fail spectacularly while reaching for the stars than it is to succeed at something we never really wanted in the first place.

We think we’ve got forever and that these concerns that weigh us down are so pressing. We worry about the trivial to the neglect of the most precious thing we have: moments we’ll never see again. We talk of killing time, passing time, and getting through the week, forgetting we’re wishing away the moments that comprise our lives.

For a long time, probably in between almost losing my dad and becoming a teenager, I have always tried to live life to the fullest, maybe a bit too much to the extreme sometimes, but I look on the positive side – on the happy side of things. I try, but of course no one is perfect, I certainly am not, but AJ and Tina did lived on the brighter side of life too. But a life taken should not be the thing to remind us to live.

Don’t be the person that by the time you’re an adult, managed to get a large flatscreen and new cars once in a while, but the list of things you’d have done if you could really, truly could have done anything, kept growing.
Seriously, make your life list – even if it’s just in your head. And do those things. Don’t assume that you have your whole life to do them, AJ didn’t – and all the other young lives taken like hers didn’t either.

Whatever your dream is, find a way to make it happen. Your kids can come with you when and if you have them. Your essays and lectures can wait (I’m not saying fail to do your dreams, but you get my drift). People rush through life like it’s a race. We go from school to university to work. And in between we never actually live. Take a break, slow down and realise what you have. There are things much bigger than you, so being upset over the silly things and worrying about the things that have solutions that are very, very simple.

I know that there are so many reasons we can’t and some of those reasons are valid. Life is not only short; it is also sometimes profoundly hard. But I think sometimes our reasons are in fact only excuses. If that’s the case, take a look. I talk a lot about living the dream, and I know I am an idealist of note which can probably become annoying to some. But I’m not saying wish-upon-a-star and be positive.

I’m saying realise, realise it NOW that life is short and no one is going to live your life for you.

Be that person that when your candle does go out, (and it will seem too soon to all those who knew and loved you) that it was burning hot and bright – and you set others alight too, not only yours.

Live your life now. And live it with all your strength and passion now. Don’t keep it in reserve against a day you might not have. While the ember is still lit, fan it to flame. Be bold about it, even if your conditions mean all you have is to love boldly and laugh boldy. This doesn’t mean act scared everyday like its going to be your last, but if it does happen to be, make sure you lived it like you wanted to. AJ went to the beach; Tina’s last healthy day was spent with her family. They were happy.

So embrace your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend and family, embrace them with all the love in your bones and blood, and tell them all the time how much you care. Tell your friends how much you appreciate their friendship. Laugh, make good conversation, be silly, and if you want to waste some time on a lazy day, make sure you are happy while wasting it. But also do useful things, don’t lounge around too much. Be loyal, compassionate and caring to the people in your life, they came into your life for a reason – figure that reason out and embrace it. Let go of the things you can’t change, and if you can change them – do it! Tell your siblings you love them. Wear bright colours, or beige if that makes you happy too. Embarrass yourself, get drunk and dance. Get a degree, go out into the world and don’t just see it, but experience it. Or don’t, if you have another dream – do that.

Just make every day your best, and if it happens to be a bad day, wake up the next feeling grateful you were lucky enough to get given another day to make up for yesterday.

Tina

"Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break"

~William Shakespeare

  

My mom met Tina in 1986, on her first day of teaching. They travelled to school together every morning and over the next few years, became best of friends. 

I think the reason Tina's passing made me so sad, was more for my mom and her family. I know, and I'm sure we all know what it is like to make a friend for life. One who, no matter how little you see them as you grow older - that when you do, they still make you smile just as wide as you used to in the beginning stages of your friendship. This was Tina to my mom, and to many, many others as well.

My mom and Tina remained friends all through the time my mom lived in Klerksdorp, and she told me that as soon as she fell pregnant with me, Tina was the obvious choice to be my godmother. My mom told me stories about how Tina let me suck on her thumb when I was crying at my Christening.

When Tina was disgnosed with Cancer, surprisingly - it didn't bother me as much as it should have. Because the first thought that popped into my head was that she is one of the strongest, most positive people I know - she will get through this.

While I was in England Tina lived out her life, just as happily and lovingly as she always did - and when I got back, we had a picnic for her to celebrate her getting through chemotherapy. I remember how she just smiled, as if nothing in the world could bring her down - and even though she had lost all her gorgeous curly hair, she still saw the world for all its beauty.

We saw her again before I went to Rhodes at the beginning of last year and I remember being worried about how Journalism was going to be, and had a nice to Tina about how excited I was anyway. She told me then that it didn't matter how I thought it was going to be, but how I tackled it with an open mind that would make me love or hate it. 

She was one of those people that had such a pure heart, and always gave the right advice. But not in an annoying, just-be-happy kind of way. She gave it so thoughtfully and with so much care that it was genuine, and made you smile in the end anyway. She lived every day with a smile, and gave a happiness to her family and friends that is not easy to find in everyone. She embraced all the good in her life, and lived out the bad with the right approach so it would not be that bad in the end anyway.

When Tina passed away on the 13 May 2011, she left behind an abundance of people she touched with her heart. She left with a sense of acceptance, and seemed already at peace in her final moments. But most of all, Tina left with as much or even more love around her as she spread in her 47 years here.

Maybe life is not as unfair as we think. Maybe the worst things don't always happen to the best of people. Maybe the best of people come here to live a beautiful life, make other people's lives beautiful, and then leave - even though it may seem too early for them to - wanting us to do the same.

After all, we acquire the strength we have overcome. I will carry on living my life like Tina did hers - I know there is no better way to do it.

We all love and miss you Tina.

Photography - a hopeful start =)

Oh hello blog - so this is what you look like. I arrive in second year and forget about blogging for almost 4 months??! Times must be tough. But not really.. Times have been great :) Although in 5th gear most of the day, life is still stably driving on a fun and full-of-experiences road. Second year has put in perspective true friends, a true love and like I've said so many times before, the more you miss people back home; family and friends, the more you realise how special people in your life are.

Second year has also got me thinking what I want to specialise in Journalism in 3rd year. Photography. I don't think any lecture has ever made me excited (yes, excited) for a Monday morning, or any assignment has made me get straight to and start immediately. I really love the feeling of taking a good photograph, once you've captured it - you feel strangely proud of clicking a button. And I love that there is SO much more to it too. I was more inspired today when I got assigned a profile piece to write for Grocott's newspaper (where I'm doing my vac work this year) on Ettione Ferreira, a photojourn student that feels the same as me, except is 2 years ahead :)

Anyway, here are the photos I took for the assignment, they had to be portraits but I tried to be as interesting as possible. I wanted them to all capture the people inside - and almost say who they were or what they did.

 Maude Sandham: one of the prettiest red heads I know :)

 

An under the arch local :) His trolley is descriptive but...

this image says so much more

 Greg Nicolsen: fashionably standing out

 A working artist on a break outside the Art building. I think her look just says "art"

 My dining halls beloved Cheryl and her friend. I like how the yellow contrasts the greys and whites

 This lady was not happy about taking the photo, which this photo shows. But after seeing it she insisted on retaking until it was perfect. The first impression says more though and is always the most natural, so this was the choice.

A photograph is usually looked at - seldom looked into.  ~Ansel Adams

I think taking photos of these people helped me do just that. Now future, bring on more for me to tackle! 

“Dolce far niente” : The joy of doing nothing

There is something delightfully extravagant about doing nothing after a while of doing everything. Christmas is my favourite time of the year. Like birthdays, it’s a time for me to come together with the most important people in my life and look back on the year before, in the midst of laying the table on Christmas eve, pulling crackers, washing the dishes, walking to church on Christmas morning, opening and giving presents and swimming in the amazing South African heat at 12pm on Christmas day.

Some people think tradition is cheesy; I think it’s classy – and extremely special. Every year we do the same thing at the same time, and I love that. And as I write this, everyone’s gone back to their own homes, the ripping of wrapping paper has ended, and I’m sitting on my mom’s bed with her watching television series. I haven’t a worry in the world, and best of all – its Christmas day.

So this got me thinking a lot about a line in a recent movie with the spectacular Julia Roberts in. Thanks to Matty, I watched Eat Pray Love twice, and the second time I listened extra carefully. When in Rome, she learns an Italian line; Dolce far niente. The joy of doing nothing. And she wakes up late in Italy and makes some food and sits in her tiny lounge eating it for what seems the whole day.

I fully agree with this romantic Italian phrase. But I think what makes it much more special is who you are doing nothing with. This holiday has been a busy one, but a couple times I have experienced a dolce far niente with people that mean the world to me.

I visited Matty after Sugar Bay at Michaelhouse. Now this place is in the Midlands, where if you stand in the front yard you simply see green and blue. Nothing else. We spent amazing time with each other and I got to know Matty even better than I already did. I got to know him out of Rhodes and in his life back home. We talked and laughed and were silly, but we also sat together in silence. We baked and we watched movies and we went for drives…We did nothing, together. And that’s what made “the joy” in doing nothing, so blissful.

I think if we all took the time to do nothing, with people that mean something important in our lives – we could live much happier lives. If a couple more days of my life were like Christmas day and similar to life at Michaelhouse, I would realise more how easy life actually is. What humans do is we automatically trouble ourselves with things that don't actually matter at all, we like to complicate things. We have this need to create noise to fill the silences, and we yearn for things to do to keep us busy. We don’t always need to be busy and crazy to be considered as people “living their lives’. Sometimes, all we actually need is a longer bath… and someone, anyone, to sit in the silences with.

Merry Christmas happy readers!

Love actually is, everywhere

In procrastination for studying for my Drama exam today, I was surfing Youtube and came across the new T-mobile advert in England. They have another one where everyone sings in Trafalgar Square, but this one reminded me so much of one of my favourite films, Love Actually. This quote says it all:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

Love is probably one of the most important things in life, without it - you really don't have much. Whether it is love of a family, a friend, a companion or love for the world - it pops up somewhere in your life. In big or small pieces, love is everywhere. Finding love in life makes you realise how important it id, and how important it makes you feel :) When that person leaves - its shows how much they mean to you, and how hard it would be to not have them around.


When we are born, our parents forget about their own hunger and turn to ours, they feed us love and when we are old enough, we learn to give back. Loving someone in any shape or form means having to give compassion, no matter what kind of love it is. It brings with it all other kinds of emotions, and without love - those emotions wouldn't be as powerful as they are.

With that, I leave you with this video - and getting this down means I can continue with some Drama learning, because after all, I may not enjoy studying, but I love Drama.